I vomited eleven times Monday night. Aggressively. It was one of those bugs where I couldn’t make it to the bathroom and just being honest folks, it was coming out both ends. And the only thought that gave me any comfort at the time was: “Hey, I might loose some baby weight from this.” I am not proud of this thought! I know how bad this type of thinking is. But it was the only thing that gave me comfort as I lay there in my own bodily fluids, praying the ‘moment-before-the vomit,’ aka, the WORST physical sensation ever, wouldn’t return; and when it did, thoughts of weight-loss comforted me when nothing else could. I am a sick woman. In more ways than one. 



Can you imagine the fear some of those actresses felt when Ellen brought out that pizza?!!!!

I think part of the reason we LOVE Jennifer Lawrence so much is because she seems like the kind of girl that eats pizza! And she did! And good old Julia Roberts for taking a piece. And speaking of old, at Meryl’s age, arguably, it isn’t as important to have a perfect body so she had a piece; girlfriend works because she’s talented, period. Right? Oh, and pregnant Kerry Washington grabbed a slice backstage.

But what about the other girls?

I sometimes think people won’t believe me when I tell them what actresses do to stay thin. And let me be clear, I know its not just actresses working hard to stay skinny, but I have a window into Hollywood and some of the stuff I’ve seen blows my mind.

For example, its to the point where actresses on diet pills is the norm. Its almost more surprising if they don’t take diet pills (or some prescription medication where the side effect is a suppressed appetite, for example: Ritalin for ADD or Wellbutrin for Anxiety and depression.

Everybody is allergic to gluten. Lets be real. Processed foods aren’t good for us but every single woman in Hollywood is allergic to gluten – and dairy – and wheat? I don’t think so. Oh, and they love animals too much to eat them, but they will wear them (just sayin.’) Look, if you want to subsist on Vegetables alone that’s your choice but don’t fake a food allergy. Lying is wrong people. Even to yourself.

I know an actress that eat cotton balls so her stomach feels full. Yep. You read that right. Cotton balls.

A male actor friend of mine ate nothing but water with lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper for forty days. Not for a role. Just to burn body fat in the hopes of getting a role (and a six pack.)

I worked with Eric McCormack (Will and Grace) once on an Indie Film that never saw the light of day. I was dieting at the time (as per usual) and eating fruit for lunch instead of a sandwich. Eric said to me, (in reference to the grapes I was eating) “Those things are like little sugar packets.” “So you don’t eat grapes?” I asked him. “Nope.” He said, “Too high in sugar.” I dumped them off my plate and into the garbage. After a few years in the biz I discovered most actors won’t eat fruit (too many carbs.)

Actresses I know take sleeping pills so they can sleep all day and not eat, go to the gym twice a day, hire trainers and chefs and “fake eat” in public so people don’t know they have a problem and purge that same food out later.

From what I’ve observed, even the actresses that look like they are a normal size secretlyImage

have issues.

So call me a cynic but when that pizza came out at the Oscars I couldn’t help it, I was looking to see how the actresses would handle it. If any of them were panicky, they did a good job ‘acting’ like they weren’t.

What about you? Did you have any of the same thoughts? Any thoughts on beauty at the Oscars in general? x


I apologize for any typos. I am typing this on my mom’s ipad. I am visiting her in Naples Florida and in a “Mommy-Brain” moment I forgot my computer at home.

So, about the Premiere. You know what, after all that worrying (nails bitten town to the quick) I had a great time! The cast and crew were all happy to see each other and the audience was filled with people that supported the project And the show was well-received. Oh, and I felt beautiful – there’s always the ‘Beauty Piece.’

In preparation for the Red Carpet I got a spray tan (75 dollars), got my hair straightened and professionally curled (85 dollars), bought a new dress (400 dollars) and got my makeup professionally done (250 dollars.) You should know I cant afford this! But fear made me do it!

When you get your pictures taken on the red carpet those pictures end up on the internet and are linked to you forever. I was scared into trying to look my best.

And after all that primping I felt really beautiful. (Confession: even more beautiful than I felt at my wedding.) I felt like a sexy woman again and not just a mommy. But, (there is always a but…)

What really made the night fun was being with friends. We drank (I pumped and dumped) and danced. We laughed and took whacky photos in a photo booth.

I started to think that the people who were happy to see me would have been happy to see me with less makeup on and with my natural curls.

And maybe, just maybe, they weren’t secretly judging me for being bigger than usual.

On the way home my husband said to me: “Everyone told me how beautiful you looked tonight.”

“Goal accomplished.” I thought. (The goal being to look beautiful.) But a little voice inside my head said: “One day you’ll be older and people might not comment on your looks (no matter how much you spend on clothes, makeup, hair and spanks…) Are you ready for that day?

L.A. Premiere


A Little Disclaimer (Before I write about the Hollywood Premiere.)

Its hard to write a blog where the theme is ‘body image’ without sounding self-centered.

And vain… And shallow…

I wonder: do we worry so much about how we look because its easier than worrying about the more difficult/complex problems in the world? For example, why are we worrying about our weight when we ‘should’ be finding a solution for the situation in Syria?

I admit, I often feel powerless when it comes to fixing things out there in the world; there is so much corruption. And some problems seemingly have no solution… But I’m also scared that if I do get involved in trying to fix something really ‘dark’ (child sex trafficking for example) something bad will happen to me. I’m scared to go there (mentally, emotionally and physically.) But surely that’s what we are meant to do: tackle the big problems. Leave the world better than how we found it.

I’m just putting this out there as a sort of disclaimer: I do want to make a difference with this blog, with you, with our little community that is interested in freeing women (and men) from the pressure to look perfect. I just hope this beauty pressure counts as a ‘big’ problem and I’m not getting this ‘wrong.’

After interviewing hundreds of women around the world there is no denying that women are spending hours every day worrying about how they look. Imagine what could we achieve if we replaced that time worrying about our appearance with other more productive thoughts: would women write and enforce better laws, would women come up with brilliant solutions to very difficult and complex problems, would the world be a better place?

And would it be scarier to be judged for what we are doing rather than how we look?

I think its time for me to research women making a difference in the world and get inspired. Hopefully, their strength and bravery will remind me that women are capable of incredible things, that I can be brave, that you and I can help to fix the big, scary, hard problems – even though we are constantly being told that our real purpose in life is to be beautiful. x

P.S. I googled ‘Amazing Women’ and look what came up in images… Is it any wonder some of us get confused and feel afraid?



Farmed and Dangerous Premiere

Details to come… xoxo #Farmedanddangerous #chipotle #Hulu

Farmed and Dangerous Premiere


HOT Pregnant Girls

This is a girl I know (see picture below.) She is friends with friends of mine and she’s always been very sweet to me whenever I’ve run into her. I am in no way trying to bring her down with this post. I simply want to speak about how her feature makes me feel.

Ashleigh is one of the most genetically gifted women I know because she looks like we are told women are supposed to look like, naturally.

She won the genetic lottery.

I’m sure if you asked her she would tell you there are things she doesn’t like about her appearance but I’m guessing she doesn’t know what it feels like to look totally wrong/ totally counter to what society tell us woman ‘should’ look like.

Her Hive magazine feature, which she posted on Facebook, is about being fashionable when you are pregnant. Ashleigh has long been singled-out as a fashion/style expert.

If you are a stick then your body lends itself way more to fashion, because fashion is created for sticks. I often wonder if these ‘style icons’ fall into being style icons because its easier for them to wear clothes. If you are short and curvy you have to hunt far and wide for clothes that ‘work’ on you; its not so easy to rock all kinds of trends.

And how about a world where pregnant women don’t have to look extremely fashionable? Or, if you believe they should wear great outfits, how about these types of features about stylish pregnant women celebrate a wide range of pregnant body-types? None of my other gorgeous, great-dressing non-stick pregnant friends have ever been asked to be in a ‘fashion-feature,’ coincidence?

The line from her article:”confidence is key” annoys me to no end. Again, she is a lovely girl but if I was pregnant at a party, and pregnant Ashleigh showed up rocking pumps, a mini skirt and stick-thin cellulite-free legs, instantly, I wouldn’t feel very confident because she would be meeting the “criteria” put forward by the media for what is “beautiful and hot” while pregnant and I would not.

The more attention Ashleigh gets for her ability to look good in clothes (pregnant or not) while at the same time we aren’t seeing an equal amount of coverage of other body-types being celebrated, the more we are stuck in the same damn place: a world where one type of girl/woman is being celebrated and the rest are made to feel inadequate.

(My point is not that Ashleigh shouldn’t be celebrated: She is gorgeous, a nice person, a good friend and mom. My point is simply that we need to see more variety so the standard for what looks good changes.)