SHORT SHORTS

Spring is here – well almost – and in New York the shop windows are filling up with stick-thin models in unbelievably skimpy outfits. You mights as well wear your underpants and a napkin draped across your chest and save the money on a new spring/summer wardrobe.

Its to the point where I feel a bit awkward about how much ‘ass’ I see when I leave the house. I mean, good for you if you’ve got a great butt, but woman-to-woman, showing it off that much feels a bit try-hard to me. Isn’t the point to surprise the guy (or girl) in a good way with how sexy your body is after he’s earned the right to see it by being your friend, taking you out for coffee, dinner etc…?

It took me until my mid twenties to realize that its not that big a deal to turn someone on – we are horny people folks – the big deal is to have someone really care about you, BIG difference!

So, please consider covering up your ass cheeks and bringing them for special occasions only – trips to Starbucks, no matter how much you love your coffee, don’t count.

How are you feeling about the impending season of showing off more of your bod?

Are you hitting the gym hard to get ready?

Are you feeling good just the way you are?

One things for sure, in New York we will see it all: butt cleavage to hijabs. Where do you fall on that spectrum? 

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OPRAH’S CALLING!

Oprah’s calling!

Well, they want to use the ‘Body Evolution’ video in their show about ‘Anti-Aging’ anyway : ) According to the producer I talked to Cameron Diaz and Sharon Stone are going to be on the show discussing anti-aging and our video.

At first I felt annoyed. What do these two genetically gifted women really know about the struggle to stay beautiful? Not only do they start out more beautiful than most of us, they can afford 250 dollar (plus) dye jobs to hide grays. They can afford personal trainers. They can afford to take the time off work to ‘work-out.’ They can afford Botox, fillers and plastic surgery…

Celebrities have it easier when it comes to aging.

Or do they?

Celebrities have to age in close-ups, for millions of people to see. Now that’s pressure. 

I was recently at a dinner with two big-time industry agents and an industry lawyer and they were talking about Cameron Diaz. What they were saying about her wasn’t kind: “She was known for her looks, she can’t really act and now she looks bad. She’s done” They said it matter-of-factly. Was this the real reason Cameron Diaz was promoting a book about ‘Health and Beauty’ and discussing the topic of ‘aging’ in the media; was she fighting to stay relevant? Was she trying to stay ahead of the critics by doing press about how its ok to age so people were less likely to judge her for aging.

Did Cameron Diaz ‘make it’ in Hollywood – at least in part – due to her looks? Will people still want to see her on screen when she no longer looks incredibly youthfully beautiful? Will her acting talent and character be enough?

Is she only now facing what most of us have faced our whole lives, the knowledge that we aren’t the most beautiful girl in room?

Is it harder to age when you are known for your beauty? Please let me know your thoughts on this subject!!

 For more on the topic watch OWN on Sunday March 15th.

 

 

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Stick Your Booty Out!

Its almost that time of year ladies, the time of year where we can no longer hide our bodies inside big warm coats!

At least that’s true of the colder parts of the country. For those of you in the warmer parts, I guess you don’t have the luxury of hiding some extra padding under a big coat for a third of the year. So I bet you’re looking pretty good right now, aren’t you? Jerks : )

For those of us that are emerging after a brutal winter, we look awesome (not!) Our skin is dry and crusty, we are depressed from lack of sun and we’ve got some more junk in the trunk (or mid-section, or both) than we know what to do with. Come-on, what else are you going to do during a polar vortex but eat!?

Today I left the house in my coat to go to the grocery store and realized it was boiling hot out. My coat was too heavy, but so were my ass and thighs.

If you’re like me, you’ve often picked dripping with sweat and hot flashes over revealing your ‘post-winter’ booty. Yes, I’m guilty of wearing my winter coat way into spring. “I’m always cold,” I say, as beads of sweat form on my upper lip.

Today, I chose to tie my long, big and bulky down coat awkwardly around my waist to hide my derriere, and it made me think of you: What if we made a pledge to one another to ‘not’ tie anything around our waists this spring? No jackets, sweatshirts or t-shirts so long they might as well be dresses. What if we stopped hiding our different shapes?

I’m gonna try and be brave. Yikes! Do it with me? x

 

 

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Wonder Woman!

Wonder Woman!

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SICK WOMAN!

I vomited eleven times Monday night. Aggressively. It was one of those bugs where I couldn’t make it to the bathroom and just being honest folks, it was coming out both ends. And the only thought that gave me any comfort at the time was: “Hey, I might loose some baby weight from this.” I am not proud of this thought! I know how bad this type of thinking is. But it was the only thing that gave me comfort as I lay there in my own bodily fluids, praying the ‘moment-before-the vomit,’ aka, the WORST physical sensation ever, wouldn’t return; and when it did, thoughts of weight-loss comforted me when nothing else could. I am a sick woman. In more ways than one. 

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PIZZA at the OSCARS!

Can you imagine the fear some of those actresses felt when Ellen brought out that pizza?!!!!

I think part of the reason we LOVE Jennifer Lawrence so much is because she seems like the kind of girl that eats pizza! And she did! And good old Julia Roberts for taking a piece. And speaking of old, at Meryl’s age, arguably, it isn’t as important to have a perfect body so she had a piece; girlfriend works because she’s talented, period. Right? Oh, and pregnant Kerry Washington grabbed a slice backstage.

But what about the other girls?

I sometimes think people won’t believe me when I tell them what actresses do to stay thin. And let me be clear, I know its not just actresses working hard to stay skinny, but I have a window into Hollywood and some of the stuff I’ve seen blows my mind.

For example, its to the point where actresses on diet pills is the norm. Its almost more surprising if they don’t take diet pills (or some prescription medication where the side effect is a suppressed appetite, for example: Ritalin for ADD or Wellbutrin for Anxiety and depression.

Everybody is allergic to gluten. Lets be real. Processed foods aren’t good for us but every single woman in Hollywood is allergic to gluten – and dairy – and wheat? I don’t think so. Oh, and they love animals too much to eat them, but they will wear them (just sayin.’) Look, if you want to subsist on Vegetables alone that’s your choice but don’t fake a food allergy. Lying is wrong people. Even to yourself.

I know an actress that eat cotton balls so her stomach feels full. Yep. You read that right. Cotton balls.

A male actor friend of mine ate nothing but water with lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper for forty days. Not for a role. Just to burn body fat in the hopes of getting a role (and a six pack.)

I worked with Eric McCormack (Will and Grace) once on an Indie Film that never saw the light of day. I was dieting at the time (as per usual) and eating fruit for lunch instead of a sandwich. Eric said to me, (in reference to the grapes I was eating) “Those things are like little sugar packets.” “So you don’t eat grapes?” I asked him. “Nope.” He said, “Too high in sugar.” I dumped them off my plate and into the garbage. After a few years in the biz I discovered most actors won’t eat fruit (too many carbs.)

Actresses I know take sleeping pills so they can sleep all day and not eat, go to the gym twice a day, hire trainers and chefs and “fake eat” in public so people don’t know they have a problem and purge that same food out later.

From what I’ve observed, even the actresses that look like they are a normal size secretlyImage

have issues.

So call me a cynic but when that pizza came out at the Oscars I couldn’t help it, I was looking to see how the actresses would handle it. If any of them were panicky, they did a good job ‘acting’ like they weren’t.

What about you? Did you have any of the same thoughts? Any thoughts on beauty at the Oscars in general? x

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